It’s Not Just the Food: Exploring the Subconscious Side of Weight
Unlocking the deeper reasons behind weight struggles and embracing healing from the inside out
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Have you ever felt like you’ve done everything “right” when it comes to food and weight, but the scale just won’t budge? I know that feeling all too well. And here’s what I’ve come to believe: it might not just be about the food. It might be about the stories, emotions, and subconscious beliefs we've carried for years.
In this new series kickoff, I’m opening up about the hidden layers beneath our weight—especially for those of us over 50 who’ve spent a lifetime chasing diets. From emotional protection to outdated rules we were taught growing up, this piece is a gentle but eye-opening start to a new conversation around weight, compassion, and healing.
Let’s explore what’s really going on beneath the surface—together.
This post may contain affiliate links. Full disclosure at the bottom.
What If It’s Not Just About Willpower?
Let’s face it. Most of us over 50 could probably write a book on dieting. We’re well-versed in calories, carbohydrates, and portion sizes. We’ve diligently counted, measured, and weighed everything from almonds to air. Yet, the weight persists. Why?
What if the answer isn’t just about discipline or food choices? What if something is happening on a deeper level—something subconscious?
Over time, I’ve come to believe that our bodies don’t hold onto extra weight just to frustrate us. Sometimes, that weight is a form of protection. It might be guarding us from pain, attention, or even the fear of change.
And once I started exploring that idea, a sense of relief and understanding washed over me, shifting my perspective and offering hope for change.
The Weight That Keeps Us Safe
Sometimes, the extra weight feels like armor. It’s not just about food. It’s about the subconscious need to feel safe. For many of us, this protection started early. Long before we ever worried about calories.
If you’ve experienced trauma, heartbreak, or challenging relationships, your body may have silently stepped in to protect you. It found a way to shield you, not with words or warnings, but with weight. It was never about being lazy or lacking willpower; it was about survival.
Take a moment to reflect. Gently ask yourself, “What might my body be protecting me from?” This question isn’t meant to unearth pain. It’s here to open a door. A door that leads to understanding, compassion, and healing.
When the Mirror Shows More Than Just a Body
Over time, weight can become more than just something we carry; it can become a significant aspect of our lives. It can become part of who we think we are. It shows up in how we dress, how we move, and how we see ourselves in the mirror.
Letting go of that weight might sound simple. However, deep down, it can evoke fear. Who will I be if I look different? Will people treat me differently? Even if we’re not thrilled with the extra pounds, they may have become familiar. And familiar feels safe.
Ask yourself this gently. “What parts of myself feel safe in staying the same?” You might be surprised by what comes up. And that’s okay. This is all part of the journey.
Comfort Foods, Comfortable Life
Something is soothing about sticking to what we know. The same snacks, same recipes, and the same routines. They wrap around us like a warm blanket on a cold day. They feel safe.
So when a new diet comes along and tells us to change everything, it can feel like a threat. Suddenly, the comfort foods are “bad.” The routines we love are off-limits. That can stir up emotions we weren’t expecting—grief, frustration, even fear.
Take a pause and ask yourself, “Am I afraid of feeling deprived or restricted?” That small question can reveal big things. And once we know what we’re feeling, we can start to shift with kindness instead of pressure.
When Life Shifts, So Do We
This stage of life brings about significant changes. Menopause can throw our bodies into a tailspin. Aging can alter how we perceive our skin. Many of us are still in the midst of caregiving—raising grandchildren, supporting grown children, or caring for aging parents.
It’s no wonder we feel drained. We’re used to putting everyone else first. For years, we’ve put our needs aside. And when we finally stop to think about our own well-being, it can feel unfamiliar. Almost uncomfortable.
Ask yourself this with love. “Have I given myself permission to prioritize my own well-being?” You deserve care, too. Not just as someone’s mom, daughter, or partner. But as you.
The Rules We Were Taught
Many of us grew up with quiet lessons we didn’t even realize we were learning. Be polite. Don’t be too loud. Always put others first. Stay small, stay sweet, and stay out of the way. These messages got passed down from mothers, grandmothers, teachers, and TV shows.
Over time, these ideas can seep into how we perceive our bodies. If we were taught that being “good” meant being quiet or unnoticed, it makes sense that taking up space feels wrong. Even now, that old voice might whisper that we don’t deserve to shine too brightly.
So, here’s a question worth asking. “What old messages am I ready to rewrite?” Because the truth is, you don’t have to follow those rules anymore. You get to write new ones. Ones that honor who you are today.
This process of rewriting old messages can be empowering, giving you the control and confidence to shape your own narrative.
The Feelings We Carry
Life has a way of leaving marks. Grief, heartbreak, and sudden changes don’t just touch our minds. They settle into our bodies, too. Sometimes, weight becomes a silent witness to those moments we never fully processed.
You may have lost someone. Faced a significant health scare. Lived through a divorce or a painful goodbye. The emotions from those events can stay with us even long after the world expects us to move on. Our bodies remember what our hearts try to forget.
Before anything can change on the outside, healing must occur on the inside. So, take a breath and ask, “What emotions might be weighing me down?” It’s not about blaming yourself. It’s about giving yourself space to feel and gently begin to let go.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Human.
If you’ve ever wondered why weight seems to linger no matter how hard you try, please know this—nothing is wrong with you. These patterns run deep. They reside in the subconscious, shaped by years of emotions, experiences, and survival. They are not signs of failure; they are signs of being human.
So, instead of criticism, let’s choose compassion. Instead of blame, let’s choose curiosity. You deserve to feel peace in your body, and that begins with understanding the layers that have been quietly shaping your journey.
This shift in perspective can make you feel more understood and accepted, fostering a sense of self-compassion.
This article is just the beginning. Over the next six weeks, we’ll take a deeper look at each of the topics we touched on today. Each week, we’ll explore one theme with kindness, reflection, and gentle guidance.
I hope you walk with me through this series. We’re in this together.
Thank you for being here. Truly. Your presence means the world to me.
©2025 Julene Cole, all rights reserved
You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. And you’re certainly not alone.
Our bodies have held onto weight for reasons that go beyond willpower or food choices. This journey we’re on isn’t about shame or restriction—it’s about understanding, kindness, and deep emotional healing.
Over the next six weeks, I’ll be diving deeper into each of the themes we touched on in today’s post, giving each one the care and attention it deserves.
If this article stirred something in you, I hope you’ll stay with me for the full series. Together, we’ll explore what it means to truly let go of the weight—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Thank you for showing up. That’s the first step toward real change.
Expect Miracles!
Until next time,
Julene
Definitely. 💯 I don’t think I could have lost my excess weight without doing inner work.